[Rob Wilder will appear Saturday at 5pm on the Mountain Writers (MW) stage.]
Before my book TALES FROM THE TEACHERS’ LOUNGE was released, my publisher asked me if I could write a reader’s guide. Most readers don’t know that the author of a book is often responsible for writing much of the content around the book; that is flap copy, promotional summaries, bios, author Q&As, and, in some unfortunate cases, Amazon reviews. My publisher convinced me that book groups were becoming more popular than naked fight clubs (who knew?) and we needed discussion topics for those moments between wine tastings. Writing a serious primer about my own work felt to me about as narcissistic as Tyra Banks must feel when viewing her AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL program (you know you watch). And as a high school American literature teacher who’s resisted those types of pat questions found in the back of books, my assignment became even more challenging.
I was taught by many fine writing teachers that style should mirror content so I decided to write my reader’s guide in the same tone that TALES had been written: with an eye toward humor and satire. I structured the guide as a mock exam, with multiple choice, true or false, fill in the blanks, and short essay sections. My goal was to remind readers of their school daze experiences first and then subtly reference the content within TALES if possible. It would be obnoxious even for me to reprint the reading guide here but I will give you a sample (complete with answer key) from the short essay section:
Short Essay (6 points)
1. Recall a teacher you had in middle or high school and briefly describe his or her poor fashion choices, verbal or facial tics, repetitive speech patterns, lousy haircut, cheap car and then compose a Shakespearean sonnet about how this person will definitely go to heaven for putting up with students like you.
2. Design a cooking show for the Food Network that includes the menu from your high school cafeteria starring one of the lunch ladies as a celebrity chef. Feel free to include some sort of catch phrase like “Hairy knuckles, see?” or “I have a bad cold and we have no funding for sneeze guards.”
3. Compare and contrast (even though comparing includes contrasting) “Helicopter Parents”—parents who hover over their kids and “Toxic Parents”—moms and dads who serve alcohol to teens. Define each category and then decide a. who would win in a fight, b. who will go to hell first, and c. who will get the most plastic surgery. Make sure to cite your sources so the administration can be properly vigilant (Toxics) or wary (Helicopters).
4. Ethical question: Should administrators, college reps, future employers, and God use Facebook, myspace, and your choice of ringtone, piercings, and tattoos determine your moral and ethical worth?
5. In TALES FROM THE TEACHERS’ LOUNGE, Wilder is trying to show that teachers are human, especially given the nature of their profession. Will you see them that way? Discuss.
Answer Key
We don’t even really read these; they’re too long and there are far too many of you. We just look for vocab words like “military industrial complex” and “malfeasance” and some quotes from famous-sounding people. We don’t have time to verify sources so you could totally make shit up and we’d never know. Famous sounding last names like Kennedy, Lincoln, Chamberlain, and anything with a hyphen will do the trick. We will definitely take off points for references to pop culture so never talk about Paris (the drunken celeb, not the drunken city), The Matrix, or bands like Arcade Fire. Even if you discuss complex modeling systems using one of these references, we’ll crush you. That’s just the way we roll. Get used to it.
If there’s a lesson in all this ridiculousness (and I’m not sure there is), I’d say that writers should seek to find ways to complete assignments or tasks they’d otherwise consider mundane in the style that reflects their voice and persona. That lesson should seem obvious when writing our stories, novels, essays, and poems but it’s worth the risk to try it elsewhere. Who knows? The traffic court might just love your post-modern deconstruction of your moving violation. Worth a try.
[Wordstock's professional development program for teachers, Wordstock for Teachers, is designed to help K-8 teachers improve their writing instruction and their students' writing achievement. This year, we are teaming with the Oregon Education Association to bring a nationally recognized expert in writing instruction to Portland for the first time ever. Jeff Anderson, author of Mechanically Inclined, will lead the workshop on October 9. Please consider joining us.]
I’m frustrated with Wordstock. I have never attended and am trying to find out what each author will talk about during the main festival. The workshops are clear so I may not attend.
Bernice